Memory – Age 16 Part 3

Rainy Image.jpg

This is another in-situated recollection of what I consider to have been a significant period in my life, when I was Age 16.

Such a new life….

Such a new life….©David L Page 2016
Living by my self,
Such a new life….
I get up every day,
and think
what will I eat …
breakfast, lunch, and dinner…
first time I’ve needed to,
consider this,
consider that…
such a new life……..
I race to the shops at lunch
to get the week’s supplies
my only chance
no extended trading in this era
everyone only works, 9- 5
Home at night,
bills to be paid
meagre apprenticeship money coming in,
how quickly I find it
all just disappears….

 

such a new life……..

 

Saturday morn,
washing and cleaning chores,
clothes off the line,
adding to a pile on the floor,
another week rolls on out,
another day
another week
another month rolls by..

 

such a new life……..
no family around,
they are now long long gone,
sixteen years old
living by my self
such a different life
to that I have previously known
such a new life……..

 

now part of close living,
so many balconies,
and yet,  no one ever seems to be home
no willow tree in the backyard
no happy, smiling face,
no wagging tail,
to greet me when I get home

 

such a new life……..
my family – they are now long long gone,
sixteen years old
living by my self
such a different life
to that I have previously known

 

A day working,
covered in grease and oil
tuning engines, and
road testing them with others,
as I am still too young to drive

 

I try to engage in small talk….
But really,
I can only focus on what I need,
developing my skills
confirming my decision
to embark on such a path
have I made the right choice?
I am not sure,
I am not convinced
at this stage
The boss takes a tyrannical stance,
Making us do things
in the name of the role,
have I made the right choice?
I am not sure,
I am not convinced
People approach me to assist,
I listen and solve
problems seem logical to fix
have I made the right choice?
I am not sure,
I am not convinced
such a new life……..

 

Everyday,
I put one foot before the next
I take each step,
unsure of what will happen next
I am not sure,
I am not convinced
I gather my thoughts,
after what seems to be
another,
very long day

 

I guess,
now I can say,
I was only ever just hanging
on in there
such a new life……..
such a new way…
I moved from one place,
to the next
looking out the window on the train
wondering what had I done today

 

I felt in many ways,
it was as if I was
holding my breathe,
too scared to breathe
too scared to live,
for what I might feel
such a new life……..
Everyday,
I just put one foot before the next
I took each step,
unsure of what will happen next
I am not sure,
I am not convinced
I gather my thoughts,
at the end of what seems to be
another,
very very long day

 

I did what I could…
Not sure of what that means

 

Everyday,
I just put one foot before the next
I took each step,
unsure of what will happen next
I am not sure,
I am not convinced
I gather my thoughts,
at the end of what seems to be
another,
very very long day

 

no family around,
they are now long long gone,
sixteen years old
living by my self
such a different life
to that I have previously known

 

such a new life……..
such a new life……..
such a new life……..
such a new life……..
Page, David L (2016b) “Such a new life….” ©David L Page 2016. 
Such a new life….” ©David L Page 2016. This audio event represents a developed sense of my recollection of this significant event.
Distressed Baby.Darkened.P2

Afraid

I was now – some would say – making my own way.  One foot before the next, and trying to remember to breathe. I would make another step, unsure of what would happen next. In many ways, I felt as helpless as a child again. So many things happened that were outside of my control. My life continued to unfold, from torrential stormy days through to rainy days. I was experiencing this new life – on this new path, moving very slowly forward, but unsure of what was going to happen at any moment. I was now experiencing a stage of life that I had thought I would never fully recover from. I was still uneasy, and in many ways, afraid…..

DLP Prose Afraid.1991

Page, David L (2016a) “Afraid” ©David L Page 1991
Northern Lights_Lebine A
The next blog in this Project 1 series is Memory – Age 17 – 19 Part 1.
References
Distressed Baby image courtesy of:  David L Page  Accessed 17th January, 2017
Northern Lights image courtesy of: Northern lights  Accessed 22nd August, 2012
Page, David L (2016a) “Such a new life….” ©David L Page 2016
Page, David L (2016b) “Afraid” ©David L Page 1991
Rainy Image courtesy of: rainy day image Accessed 5th November, 2016
Such a new life ……. audio link courtesy of: David L Page Accessed 5th November, 2016
– ©David L Page 20/04/1991
– updated ©David L Page 05/11/2016
– updated ©David L Page 20/01/2017
Copyright: No aspect of the content of this blog or blog site is to be reprinted or used within any practice without strict permission directly from David L Page.

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