Memory – Age 14

DLP_Age 14.P2

Reflecting, as to how things could have been….

I wonder sometimes how things could have been…. I wonder if I was born into a different family, what could have life been like? I did at different points find sanctuary in other families’ homes – particular neighbours, and a few relatives. I recall when ever I was in these situations, I was attentive in my observations of how they as a family interacted – how they spoke to each other, what they discussed, and what they found laughter in. I recall taking memory photographs of these instances, snapping such moments into my memory of what others did in their everyday life. I recall thinking to my self “one day”. 
I wonder if my parents were from different backgrounds, what could have life been like?  I wonder if they were of different motivation – perhaps even music practitioners – what could have life been like? I really had nothing to compare it to, as no one I knew at the time had parents who played a musical instrument. The only people I knew who were older and played musical instruments were the successful musicians who had commercial album releases. I recall wondering what it would have been like to have a Bob Dylan, Paul McCartney, John Lennon, Jimi Hendrix or a Cat Stevens as a parent.   I recall thinking to my self “what if?” but then followed it up with “there is no point with this thinking, it is what it is “…….. 
I recall being was fairly compliant up until about the age eleven (11), trying to behave and provide my mother with what she needed. But them something happened. Gradually, over time I started listening to my self. I started engaging in my self interests. I allowed my self to pursue that which interested me, and even badgered my parents – be it quietly – until I got what I needed: a guitar.. and then a dog.
I started embracing my self – and all that that I needed. I found music as a comfort – something I could engage with. Another form of language that seemed to resonate, with me.  I did not achieve being able to master the language, but could understand every word and nuance that was spoken. I could hear the vibrations, and the resonance. I could interact with her for a short while, but at this point in time I sit here, alone, in silence, in darkness and embrace the tones that I recall.
In-situate, I observed my self and how I was developing, within my self, at that particular time. I had a guitar, and then a dog. Each year – another lap around the sun – I seemed to gather momentum within my self, and developed my self-worth, my self-image, my self-confidence, in search of my opinion. But my voice seemed to evade me, the shore that never arrived, the jetty at which I never moored. And so with another lap around the sun, I arrived at my fourteenth (14) year – time was ticking, and I was gaining self-respect. With another lap around the sun, it was time to stand my ground. I had no option – it was them, or me……. This is another recollection of what I consider to have been a significant period in my life, when I was Age 14.

The boy who was …….

The Boy Who Was ……. (All Bent Out of Shape)©David L Page 2016
Refrain 1: I was brought into the world, into a family with a history….
Verse 1: People not living as who they were destined to be,
Running?
Some could say…..
Justified?
Well, we will never know….
But the reality was…
someone was not living as they were destined to be…
Refrain 1: I was brought into the world, into a family with a history….
Chorus 1: Some things, time just doesn’t resolve a thing
Some things just don’t go away
No matter how much you try to ignore them
Some things just don’t go away..
And as I have seen enough in my life,
I believe that those things then start to eat you up
from the inside….
Verse 2: Everyone seems to handle problems in different ways..
Issues, conflicts, pain, shame, terror
I have seen pills,
social drugs, alcohol,
mood, fear and temper
I have experienced them all…
not sure how well I have done,
how I have handled problems in me..
probably not well
in deed
Refrain 2: I was brought into the world, into a family with a history….
This is not an excuser,
just stating what was
what has been…
Chorus 2: Some times, ignoring issues doesn’t solve a thing
Swept it under the carpet..
Turned the other way
Some things …
No matter how much you try to ignore them
Some things just do not go away..
I have seen enough in my life to believe
those things then start to eat you up
from the inside….
Verse 1: People not living as who they were destined to be,
Running?
Some could say…..
Justified?
Well, we will never know….
But the reality was…
someone was not living as they were destined to be…
Refrain 1: I was brought into the world, into a family with a history….
Chorus 3: Some times, ignoring issues doesn’t solve a thing
You got to face them, deal with them
Or it will curse you to your grave..
No matter how much you try to ignore them
Some things just do not go away..
I have seen enough in my life to believe
those things then start to eat you up
from the inside….

Frustrated Woman 2_Cropped_Fade9.P6

Bridge 1:  all bent out of shape
all bent out of shape
all bent out of shape
all bent out of shape
all bent out of shape
And you stand there and take it…..
Verse 2: Everyone seems to handle problems in different ways..
Issues, conflicts, pain, shame, terror
I have seen pills,
social drugs, alcohol,
mood, fear and temper
I have experienced them all…
Bridge 2: Have you ever loved someone and been slapped?
And you feel so sorry for them that you find some excuse to tolerate it….
Have you ever loved someone and been hit?
And you feel so sorry for them that you find some excuse to tolerate it….
Have you ever loved someone and been punched?
And you feel so sorry for them that you find some excuse to tolerate it….
Have you ever loved someone and been kicked?
And you feel so sorry for them that you find some excuse to tolerate it….
They are all bent out of shape
They are all bent out of shape
They are all bent out of shape
They are all bent out of shape
They are all bent out of shape
Refrain 2: I was brought into the world, into a family with a history….
This is not an excuser,
just stating what was
what has been…
Bridge 3: You curl on in, and allow them to beat you…
As her arms whirl in motion
So out of control….
The feel the fists thrash down on your back..
And on your head…..
You feel sorry for them
All bent out of shape, and you stand there and take it….
All bent out of shape, and you stand there and take it….
All bent out of shape, and you stand there and take it….
All bent out of shape, and you stand there and take it….
All bent out of shape, and you stand there and take it….
Verse 2: Everyone seems to handle problems in different ways..
Issues, conflicts, pain, shame, terror
pills, social drugs, alcohol, mood, fear and temper
I have experienced them all…
Outro: All bent out of shape, and you stand there and take it….
All bent out of shape, and you stand there and take it….
All bent out of shape, and you stand there and take it….
All bent out of shape, and you stand there and take it….
All bent out of shape, and you stand there and take it….
The Boy Who Was ……. (All Bent Out of Shape)©David L Page 2016. This audio event represents a developed sense of my recollection of this significant event.

ohm

The next blog in this Project 1 series is Memory – Age 14-16.
References
‘Another lap around the sun’ expression from Pankaj Patel 2016. Sydney Australia
Frustrated woman image courtesy of: Angry Woman  Accessed 18th June, 2016
DLP image courtesy of: Slideshare  Accessed 18th June, 2016
Ohm image courtesy of: Ohm  Accessed 28th May, 2016
The Boy Who Was ……. audio link courtesy of: David L Page  Accessed 28th September, 2016
Page, David L. 2016. “The boy who was ……. (All bent out of shape)” ©David L Page 2016
– ©David L Page 15/11/1993
– updated ©David L Page 28/09/2016
– updated ©David L Page 08/01/2017
Copyright: No aspect of the content of this blog or blog site is to be reprinted or used within any practice without strict permission directly from David L Page.
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